incommunicando.

I truely and infinitely from the bottom of my heart HATE THE MOBILE PHONE.

Dear Diary ..

I have travelled ... :) And am still yearning for more :)

Be Longing..

Sittin in Plano, texas. In a borrowed room, watching the Dallas sun set from a borrowed window.. I feel a throbbing in my heart for my own. I am lonely. Lonely among Sizing documents, lonely among the sights America has to offer, lonely among people, lonely among my suitcase, the shoes I have bought, am lonely among the colorado t shirt which lies in front of me...

And then I see Aditi's pictures of Leh and kashmir. I see the lovely barala chala among her foto albums.. rising majestic in snow and rock.And my eyes mist over for my country. I aint a patriot.. But I do love India for what it is.. The crowning Himalayas, the rippling rivers unclean with the dust of human souls, the hungry bay of bengal, the calm Arabian, 7 sisters of the east, Porbandar of the west, camels in the desert, half mad cities,Shah Rukh Khan, the marina necklaces, last rocks, the land of " illa ma ",Sweaty Mangroves, Marble Plains, the museums of the nawabs, the creativity in living :) Yes I miss my country so much that I am unable to get the sizing numbers for walmart correct.Everytime I open the excel sheet my eyes brim over with longing!

Last year me and my family went on a road trip to Gangtok and Darjeeling. I will perhaps never forget the magic of the Nathula. I remember how all of a sudden we declared a plan to pack up and run away from the heat of Ranchi. The best plans are the No plans :)

Now that I sat to write about it so many months later I thought the details would get hazy. But no.. How I can ever forget the sun shining from the snow white peaks of the Kachenjunga. The melody of Darjeeling is beautiful, if only you can hear it. Most of the time it is lost in tourist din and chowmein. We had no hotel bookings and me and my brother walked around in the rain to find a nice place to stay. Ha! The bloody Darjeeling touts! Sunsets in Darjeeling are beautiful.. Almost heartbreaking! So are the pinned butterflies in the quiet museum. The sloth bear in the zoo and the red pandas scratching their backs! Almost heartwarming...I have seen many a beautiful sights in the US. But the land of many souls is unparalled. Ma Durga on maha ashtami, when I refused to leave Darjeeling for Gangtok without finding a puja badi and praying to the Godess.

The green Rangeeth meeting the grey Teesta! Bamboo pole swings with cute little momo kids running around. Monks in Buddhist Monastries.. Unplanned buildings so many feet above sea level, tottering almost on the brink of human hope! And the climb to Tsonga lake and Nathula. UP UP and away. Chinese trucks which bought in , what else "chinese goods" and took back Parle G biscuits. Baba Mandir of the brave soldier nestled in the mountains. The waterfalls tearing away the soil. Bofors guns in the distance. Mad cap rajatshani army men driving crazy trucks.

India the land of unending chaos!

Suddenly the finite of life looks infinite. Suddenly it brings a smile on my face. Of Ma trying to gossip in Bangal with the roadside rajabadi dhaba wala. With Baba sleeping on my shoulder. Riji trying to grab my sunglasses. Of the friends who saw the pictures and shared their stories with me. Of Deepti who wanted to go but went to lakshwadeep instead.

Ah :) am a lucky girl. When you have seen the sun rising, the fog clearing bit by bit and the snow glinting in the far distance, borrowed windows haze and you see the Kachenjunga in Plano, Texas :)

YeatSome :)

To those who dream and believe in the power of them.Sometimes blogging isnt just about writing..its about mulling over someone's lovely thoughts ... To Yeats!

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

i choose my change :P

To a Lady I call Akka!

After an extremely delicious dinner last night of a dosa pizza! Akka welcomed Sankranti today morning with some amazing Pongal! Akka rocks. She belongs to one of those endangered species of women whose greatest pleasure in life is to see others eat. She heaps your plate with ..Love and Affection, winks and proclaims All the best! Start eating and may there never be a finish line! Dear Akka, thank you very much, I say, knowing very well that I can perhaps never thank her for the fondness she shows me so selflessly..

So..
Today I celebrated my first Pongal with two people I wish and hope I can call my own someday. Akka had woken up really early (REALLY EARLY!) to do all the preparations and by the time I rubbed my eyes to soak the sun, her warmth was already around the house! The smell of fresh pongal does wonders for the digestive system( of God's and Human's alike!). We all prayed together and wished each other great happiness and peace! My prayers were answered instantly at the breakfast table of course! And I left her house with such an amazing sense of well being that I know my troubled soul will one day find it shores.. sometime soon..

The two things that I definitely suffer from are wonderlust and wanderlust. I thirst to know and I need to travel! Curiosity drives me..The only way I way I have lived my 26 years is wanting to know. The knowing has not simply been book learning but involved a lot of character building and "wo"man making! Much later in my life I discovered that I am an inherent traveller. I must have been an Ibn-e-Batuta in my past life. My legs always love to move, and my heart is always on the go! ;)

Apart from this the other thing I do very often is "Worry", which brings me to my topic of the day. Dont worry, just believe in God! :P
I am an ardent devotee of the belief in God. God of all kinds , of all forms, of all means ... to a single end, the pursuit of self!

You see, when I was in college I first visited the Gurudwara with my friend Rinki. I had a thing for her brother Bir Singh Saluja! I had such a nice time listening to the Gurubaani and later eating the halwa!( yeah i eat all the time :) Sikhism found an ardent follower that day! My association with the Gurudwara has since then been very fruitful, though I hope that someday I get to see the Golden Temple!

With Sweta, my bestest friend, I have enjoyed celebrating Janmashtami. An all day "somehow" fast and then later in the night some super halwa puri, while we watched the birth of Lord Krishna. Thodi buddhi hume bhi de do bhagwan! These were one of the best days of our friendship, when we both prayed to her god and he became our's :)

At college and later on I also indulged in Maha Shivratri. Again ,a stringent fast to the all powerful Lord Shiva. My roomates wash the small Shiv ling we have and do the jaap. Honestly, I am a little scared of the Lord in his many vibrant forms. I cannot discuss my shortcomings with him or tell him my worries, because they seem too small to wake up from his overwhelming meditation. And then there is the "third eye"..

Mister MBA Blazey took me to the church of the Holy Ghost once here at Richard's Park to pray for my MBA results! Words fail to describe the beauty of the church..I didn't end up doing an MBA but the Hanuman chalisa that i recited in the church that day definitely made Lord Jesus smile! The church is opposite the Richard's Park.Anyone who loves the city of Bangalore should visit the place once. In the cool wind of the night the building stood like an image melting the past into the present, beyond the future..

At my house in Bangalore, I have this beautiful neem wood idol of Jagannath, Subhadhra and Balaram. The God from Puri. Sony Panda, my Oriya friend in college has given it to me. Later when I visited the Jagannath temple at Puri I was awed by the majestic gods and the totally perseverant temple panda's. Of course their quest for foolish tourists was much more than their meditation of the divine!

The September of 2004 was when companies came to our campus. I didnt have great marks in my first year of engg and so I was really scared if I would even get an interview with them! That autumn Kalighat happened to me. I went with my mother and brother to the kalighat temple. One look and One touch of the Godess is enough to lay a weak mind to rest. She just emanates strength. I came back to bangalore a much for confident under graduate and yes I was one of the few people in my campus who got 2 jobs on 1 day! Kalighat is a beautiful temple, ancient and timeless..

And how can I forget my first ride to Tirupati. My first tryst with providence. It is said that unless Lord Balaji himself calls you, you may not be able to visit his abode. I couldn't agree more. My friend's mother and aunt where supposed to be going that night. The mother fell ill and asked me if I would accompany the aunt. So i went and next day at 3 am called my parents to tell them that I was in the Holy town! And by evening I was a devout Balaji follower. What an immensely majestic temple and I tell you It is just not the gold and the glitter. The lord shines in all his beauty and those 10 seconds they let you stand and stare at him are enough to bring tears of joys in your eyes. I have bared my soul to the god.. and he in turn blessed us with the Delicious Tirupati ladoos! :)

My parents have taught me the Hanuman Chalisa. I love Hanuman. My belief in him is immense. The chalisa has rescued me so many times. Exams, almost Missed buses and trains, severity one defects, bad managers, terrible boyfriends, tormented soul.. every time I say Jai Hanuman..my mind dissolves all its worries. The dayI forget some lines in the chalisa I know that something untoward might happen, though just having Hanuman by your side is enough to make you face whatever comes. After all he moved an entire mountain and crossed the seas..

Among all of this, my brother taught me three sanskrit slokas which are the essence of our lives. I still recite them everytime I recite the chalisa. I pray to all God's I know. Some God's I connect with and some I don't. But I know that they all reside within me. Some forms I have understood, more so because of the medium by which they came to me or the people who brought them to me! The Buddha for example and his middle path is something I always try and follow!! Some shrines inspire me, some humble me, some scare me...All have aroused strong emotions within me and always affected me! I really wish to soak my self into some more forms of God as I go on in Life's journey!

The last word, is of course Akka. Love and Affection are the greatest religions on earth. She is the true epitome of service before self. I know there aren't many like her out there.I hope that as I grow in life. Among all the whirlpools that life sucks us into I can retain the purity of my soul. Karma lives on.. :)

Just a little SOMETHING!

So..
In conversation with dad thru' mom..
I realized that we belonged to different schools of thoughts on "trust". My dad believes in the “We must respect the past, and mistrust the present, if we wish to provide for the safety of the future.” and I belong to the “Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else's school!

I realized that trust cannot be explained, expressed or spoken about. It can only be felt in actions. You can feel it in someone's absence or in someone's presence. There is really nothing called blind trust. Because trust is about the human instinct, an insight more powerful than any external vision. You could be the only person you trust. You could say you easily trust others. Or you might take it to the supernatural and say you trust God! You could trust someone with your life or you could trust someone more than it. Ah.. there are so many types of them! There is the 50% trust, the 100% trust , the solid trust and the hollow trust.

Whatever be the amount, extent or measure of trust. You can never really quantify it. You can never really bank on a previous experience to teach you in totality whether to trust a present/future incident. Because when you are facing the bend on the road, you never really know what is around it unless you do it. At the end of the whole show or at the beginning of it..You can just trust your instincts!

If we really heard what the heart's says and combine it with our minds we would all be worthy of trust and trusting. You see 'cause in opposition to a pattern of events there is always the benefit of doubt. There is a probability that a certain something could happen but no surety that it would!
So, in this see saw of the should n could, the roller coaster of the might and may..the only might that we should trust is the "trust your instinct". Its presence never fails the future!